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Worry, what’s it really good for?

November 1, 2016
        I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about my situation. However, worrying about every little thing is unproductive, and it robs me of my time, energy and joy.  Since I got fired from my job on Friday, a few days before Halloween, I have had some time to think. Thinking is sometimes like pulling the pin from a hand grenade. It can be dangerous, unpredictable and explosive. However, I am learning to move forward with caution and embracing change. Change does not come easy for me, and since getting fired, I equate it with not knowing how to swim and getting pushed into the swimming pool. I can either panic and begin to sink, or I can choose to paddle to the side of the pool and hold on for dear life. I shamelessly choose to paddle and attempt to make my way to the edge of the pool for safety. I choose to believe that I will get through this ordeal, that God has a plan for me, and I will come out of this little storm a little stronger.
        I have a propensity towards worry. I remember as far back as my young boyhood, seeing how my granddad often worried about things, and hearing my mom telling him not to be worried.  I have since wondered if worry is something innate, that lurks inside every human being, or if worry is a learned behavior we pick up through our interactions and experiences? Regardless, I know that worry makes me cringe. I do not like how it makes me feel, and it only makes me sick to my stomach. Jesus tells us in Matthew’s gospel to not worry.  And, I have often heard it said by various friends and individuals in my life that worry is a sign of unbelief in my life. It means that I do not fully trust God to pull through in a given moment of time or event in my life. I am learning to see these moments as growing and learning moments. Trust, real trust requires faith, an eager expectation in something that is yet to happen and this is fortified by hope.
        Today, I chose to think about positive things, and focus on what I am able to do. When you begin to dwell on things that are out of your control, fear can creep in and fill your head with all sorts of drama and negativity. I have been negative, and I do not want to be that guy. I do not want to be the person that friends and family decide I am not worth being around because I have become toxic. Did you know that toxicity is just an amped up version of negativity. Think of the the Incredible Hulk. As his alter ego, Bruce Banner, Banner is a lonely man because if he even gets remotely angry, he cannot control himself. His eyes turn yellowish, and his clothes begin to rip, and he becomes this green embodiment of anger and wanton recklessness. It is this way that negativity affects me. I become an unpleasant person to be around. I am learning to reverse the way I think about and consider things. I sometimes say, “Willy Wonka” that thought, a long standing reference to a timeless classic movie.
        I got through my day today by choosing to focus on what was a priority, and completing each task.  Unemployment is a big elephant to digest, but one can only eat one bite at a time. I accomplished filling out forms on-line, and then visiting respective agencies that I needed to apply with for assistance. I have to be patient, and I realize that the way government aid works, it takes time. I will get the help I need, and I am confident that my needs will be met. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, taking initiative, pursuing leads, completing applications, and continuing to search for sustainable work. If you are in the same situation I am experiencing, just know that there is hope. Have peace and know that God is in control. Trust him because he is faithful.

 

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