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Running on empty.

November 3, 2016
        I am running on empty. Today, I felt drained, and lethargic. I felt like my emotions have been hijacked, and when I looked in the mirror, I looked like Obi-wan Kenobi, but felt like Chewbacca. I was glad there were no droids around. I did not leave my room or the apartment until almost 7 pm tonight. I spent a few hours looking for jobs online. That was not really productive because, I really do not know what kind of job I want.  I have a Bachelor’s degree in Graphic Design, but it seems every time I have applied and sought this out as a career, it seems there have been obstacles or closed doors. I still keep my skills up, just in case, but I don’t know if it is something I want to do anymore than I want to be an AutoCAD drafter or a teacher.
       I cannot fool around, especially when I know that time is of the essence, and money is dwindling. I felt nervous today when I saw my bank account balance, now less than $500 to my name, and I still have credit cards, bank fees and car insurance due. I am already concerned that I will not have money for gas or laundry, let alone food–not until unemployment kicks in. I am worried that I might become homeless if things don’t get better soon. It has not been quite a week since I lost my job, but I feel like I am going crazy. Hopefully, I can sell some of my comic book collection and other collectibles and generate some income.
        I went to a midweek church service tonight. I was hoping to hear a message or get some words of encouragement. Instead, the pastor was away in Jerusalem at this time, and there was a guest speaker there to share with the congregation about the upcoming election, and present concerns for how we ought to vote. By this I mean voting to our conscience, after prayer and consideration. I already voted by mail, and I know just how hard this election and propositions were vote about. I felt like I could have done something else more productive tonight. On the other hand, this was informative and it was good to get out for a little while. I just feel drained, and on my way home I started to feel panicky because I was thinking too much about things that I really have no control over.



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