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Addicted to Sugar.

March 8, 2017

I was away from my blog for little more than a week. It’s been mental. I missed writing my Friday Night Music Playlist, and I have an entry for #5. I will post it when I post this week. I have decided not to play catch up, and I will just post the entry later, if or when I miss. I try to write each day, and I do not always get to put my thoughts into writing. Last week was horrible for me, except for the one day when a couple of people I know blessed me with some extra money to get through an otherwise difficult week. I was and am thankful for that blessing. It is acts of kindness like this that help me on my journey, to not lose heart and the keep moving forward. I just wanted to say how this was the high point of my week last week amidst the other chaos that ensued, and realizing just how addicted I am to sugar.

At the first of the year I promised myself that I would minimize how much root beer I would consume. Although I do not drink nearly as much pop as I used to drink, I still consume way too much. It has made me rethink things regarding my struggle with weight loss.  So far the only loss I am experiencing is me. I am losing because I am expecting results without change.  I have learned that when I am anxious I crave sweet things. When I get depressed, I will not eat. Lately, I have been craving sugary foods, and I feel that it becoming  a more rapidly growing problem for me.  I have also discovered that I need to increase my Vitamin D, and my water intake. My doctor got on me about not walking enough, so I need to walk for 20-30 minutes each morning. I need to increase my cardio, and decrease my caloric intake. Common sense tells me that I just need to do it, I do not need a reminder.

It would be so much easier if I could join Crunch, Gold’s, Chuze, or LA Fitness where I might be able to get some help or some pointers. I used to be able to go to the gym, but it is not in my budget currently because I am not working, and every dollar I have is already spent. However, there is a remote chance I might be able to sign up with one gym, and get an affordable rate, after I get my tax returns. I am not going to count on it, but I will put out a little hope for it. I also think it would be easier to exercise if I could make some new friends, and have some level of accountability. Because of my medications, and recently eating debacle, I have gained 10 pounds. That is going to be hard to work off for me, and I need to commit, yes I said it, I need to commit to working out each day. I found my season 3 Biggest Loser DVD Cardio Max, and I am beginning to use that in the evenings. I also bought a resistance band both medium and heavy to also do some muscular resistance training. I actually like the resistance bands and use them daily. I am not hydrating enough, and I feel it. I also realize that I need to change my mental attitude about things. Change does not happen in a day, but the desire to change and taking the first step does. I know that if I can just “make fat cry,” again, I will have taken the first steps into a larger journey.

I am not happy with who I am outwardly, and I have heard that is a result of not being happy with one’s inner self. I am changing, and learning to like who I am, and be comfortable in my own skin, as a friend has put it. Growth and maturity takes time, so does wisdom. I realize that following through is the biggest part of keeping a commitment. It also increases with responsibility. I have have been avoiding responsibility, ambition, and commitment for a long time now, and I want to change.  This next week I am going to fast and not consume any sugary drinks for one week. After I complete that week, I will make a new commitment, and not have any sugary drinks for one week and one day. I will keep doing this until it just becomes a natural habit, and I do not have to think about it anymore. I want to learn how to eat clean, and that is the next step.

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